the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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