Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
