I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
