I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
even my farts smell like vagina
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
