i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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