He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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