I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When did angry sex become our thing?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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