I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
