I love black thongs
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
