Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
