I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All the doctor said was why
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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