My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
