Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
