oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
