She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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