oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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