Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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