Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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