Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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