I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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