Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you didnt know i had herpes?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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