We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
