I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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