Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
