I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
