We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
