he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
