all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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