fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
