Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
