Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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