I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
