Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
