i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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