I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
