I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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