I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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