is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
