You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
