You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
