We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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