I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They are going to name an STD after you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
