I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
