Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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