Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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