i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The uberlube is also flammable
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
