Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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