Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
