can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I did not marry a roomba.
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