Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
