the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
