need another drink. this is the easiest way
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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