I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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