She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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