I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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