With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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