You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
