The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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