I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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