idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
