you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
