Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
