I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
