K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
