well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
