So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
