he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
